This tattoo consists of six identical butterfly outlines, placed above the middle three knuckles on each hand. I got them during a period when I was trying to re-engage with the world after the pandemic. At the time, my self-esteem was extremely low, and I had internalized the idea that the best way to be accepted was to stay invisible. I tried to never talk about myself, and I avoided attention. I kept quiet in both how I dressed and how I acted.

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Growing up, I was the opposite. I was extroverted, always creating, and constantly coming up with new projects. I wore bright dresses to school and glued things together just to see what would happen. I would raise butterflies in my room using a science kit I ordered online. I would let them grow up and let them fly around in my room.

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The idea for these tattoos came to me in a dream. I saw them exactly as they are now. I drew the design the next morning and got them tattooed that weekend. At the time, it felt like a desperate attempt to remove my ability to hide and be small. I thought that by giving myself something so permanent and visible, I and those around me would be forced to confront my personhood. I see them as a declaration of self, and a vow to respect the individuality of the creature I’m inhabiting. I don’t think I was ready for that kind of visibility when I got them, but living with them has taught me how to show up more honestly.

 

The butterflies also came to represent balance. They’re soft and feminine, while knuckle tattoos are often associated with toughness and masculinity. Putting those two elements together reminds me to hold both—to be kind and open, but also to stand my ground and not put up with shit.